Resource from Christian Apologetics & Research Ministry at http://www.carm.org (Joshua highly recommends)
No, Christians are strongly advised not to date or should really not marry an unbeliever for good reasons to protect the believer from potential hurts or problems :
"Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?" (2 Cor. 6:14-15).
Although this advice may sound hard, unfair or narrow minded on Christians but God have good sense in telling us so in the Bible concerning partnership with an unbeliever. Note that this is NOT about friendship with unbelievers as we are called to love people with Christ’s love that people may know and praise God. We are to make God’s love known to all people via our loving friendship with them. But we need to draw the line between friendship and dating (which potentially leads to marriage). And this post briefly deals with the issue of believer dating or marrying an unbeliever and the sensible reason why it is strongly advised against.
When two persons do not share a common faith, common view of life and a common idea of the future, how can they walk towards it in harmony together? Unlike mere difference in interest, different faith will cause different belief in lifestyle and worldview which will hinder the smooth growth of a bonding relationship. Of course there are some that manage to work things out but why must someone go through such challenges when other options and ways are available? And please mind that although some believer may be able to lead the unbeliever partner to Christ later on in their relationship, such situation is exceptional by the grace of God and they too need to go through a lot of difficulty to overcome their problem. Thus it cannot be a solid reason to justify that Christians should date or marry an unbeliever. Or worse, it cannot be an excuse to date or marry an unbeliever while “evangelising” to them.
But unfortunately, they are still Christians who hope that they can convert the person they are dating or marrying. They often think that their spirituality is strong enough and that they can witness to, or motivate the other person to convert through their patience and love. I know they are surely sincere in their love and desire for them to know God but really, why do they think this? Three reasons: They love the person thus their emotions blurred their judgement, they are naïve about the potential negative consequences and they do not fully obey God's word on this.
This may sound harsh, but something as serious as marrying an unbeliever needs to be dealt with properly and directly (dating is also as serious as close partnership is involve). We are not to compromise the will of God and endanger our spiritual well being. All we need to do is look in the Old Testament to see why God says not to marry unbelievers. This is what God said to the Israelites.
"When the Lord your God shall bring you into the land where you are entering to possess it, and shall clear away many nations before you, the Hittites and the Girgashites and the Amorites and the Canaanites and the Perizzites and the Hivites and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and stronger than you, 2 and when the Lord your God shall deliver them before you, and you shall defeat them, then you shall utterly destroy them. You shall make no covenant with them and show no favor to them. 3 Furthermore, you shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons. 4 For they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods," (Deut. 7:1-4).
The reason not to marry an unbeliever is that he/she can influence you away from the Lord and it DID with the Israelites. And it caused much damage to the nation that it eventually fell! The whole nation of God fell as ungodly influence was still in their midst. Don't be so naive to think that you will not be influenced. It happens all the time especially when emotional attachment is at stake. And when it happens, both party are hurt and are left broken. This is exactly why we are firm to advise against partnership with unbeliever as we want to avoid hurts, pains and compromising of faith.
Yes, I have no doubt you still love the Lord but your faith, serving and lifestyle are compromised and it will continue to have negative effects on you the longer you date or marry an unbeliever. Not to mention the challenges, hurts and problems involved. This not only hurt you but also hurt your unbeliever partner. I am not saying dating or marrying a Christian will then not have problem but I am saying it will be much more difficult with unbelievers.
I believe if we are sincere with another and lead them to know Christ to experience the abundant and rich new life in Him, we will be less concern about dating or marrying the person first. Set our priority right and know that the best loving thing we can do to another is to lead them sincerely to Christ. Help them to grow strong in the Lord as a fellow believer. Then the Lord knows how to lead us to our Mr/Ms Right.
Open our eyes to the Christian community to seek for a dating or marriage partner, not outside. "Outside" are meant to be brought into the community through Christ, not for dating or marriage first but for the salvation of their soul and fellowship with us. Sincerely lead those we know to Christ before (not while) seeking them for more than friendship. The Lord knows how to bless when we learn how to obey His way of right living. He created everything thus know how everything works the best for everyone.
Children
If you marry an unbeliever and have children, how will it affect their spirituality to have the parents divided over spiritual things? Not to mention the unnecessary arguments between husband and wife which will cause the Christian spouse to suffer more heartaches and challenges. As for the children, will this help or hinder their spiritual health? Obviously, it will hinder them. Hinder them from knowing God’s love and growing up well in the Lord.
Unfortunately, too many people do not take into account the extremely serious situation of children and their eternal destiny. Yet, because of "love" and because they listen to the heart over the word of God, many people marry unbelievers anyway...and often suffer dire consequences. May I add a word of encouragement that when we sacrifice to obey God, He will know how to honor and reward us greatly till our “sacrifice” becomes an “investment” with great returns from the good Lord who so loves us.
What if you are already married to an unbeliever?
If you are already married to an unbeliever then you need to love your spouse as best as you can and set a good example of being a Christian while praying for your spouse's salvation. You cannot leave your spouse (unless there is physical abuse, adultery, abandonment or break of marriage covenant). You need to endure and trust the Lord for your family’s salvation. Seek the Lord as His grace is sufficient for you.
I guess the children will have to choose their own path IF their parents are not forceful when it comes to religion, right..?
Praise God for putting me on the right path [As my mom is a taoist]!!
Everyone has the right and responsibility to choose their own path which they believe is right and the best for them as every decision made must then be accountable for by the person who made it.
Parents have the responsibility to teach and guide their children to what they believe is right yet at the same time allow children to practice their free will and free choice especially when it comes to faith issue.
Sometimes it is funny how parents force children into following religion they themselves dont hold on as truth or really practice it but just out of tradition or mere belief...Yet stopping their children from seeking the Truth.
Anyway, truly praise God for His divine intervention in your life and I am really encouraged and excited about your bapstim tmr. God loves you and have great plans for you, follow Him step by step and you will discover more of Him.
May the Lord bless and guide you into a lifetime of wonderful experiences and adventures with Him.
I am dating a non 3 years, I am very in love with her, she is pretty, smart, hardworking and well loved by my parents. We are planning for wedding. I ask her to go church with me every sunday, but still nothing happen, what should I do?
First, I am very happy to hear about both of you and that everything is going fine. Glad you understood my post and the issue at hand, it is never meant to say that an unbeliever is "not good" but only to address the potential difficulty and the reasons why it is not the best possible options especially for those considering a date.
Second, I would encourage you to continue to build your loving relationship together and ask for the Lord's blessing as He only has good interest for you in mind. Trust the Lord for opportunity and changes to take place as you put and desire His best interest for you. Be bold in obeying Him and dare to take a stand to do the best thing for your relationship that is right before the Lord. You need to follow His ways for Him to guide you through.
Third, continue to live a life of good example as a Christian to inspire and lead her to Christ. Being religious does not help but being spiritual (personal daily walk with the Lord as an "active" Christian) will help her see God in and through your life. Your life is her "channel" where she will come to know the Lord's ways and words, God will speak to her through YOU before she can believe in the Bible and church. Thus living an examplary life is vital in evangelism.
Do continue to ask her to share with your passion for the Lord and encourage her to join church activities and know your Christian friends as her friends that both of you may share more common things in life especially when you desire to be united for life via marriage. All this is only possible when "church life" is an active part of your life rather than just a religious Sunday ritual.
Psalm 37:3 "Trust in the Lord and do good...Delight yourself in the Lord and He will gives you the desires of you heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him and He will do this : He will make your righteousness shine like dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun"
Ohya, I would also strongly advise both of you to go for a pre-marital counseling via a church. It is great to establish good understanding of what to expect in a marriage together to strengthen and prepare each other of the role played in a marriage. When a couple is mentally and emotionally prepared to face the joy & challenges of marriage together, they would avoid misunderstanding and enhance loving unity between a husband and a wife.
Through pre-marital counseling, many Christian couples confidently go into marriage after being properly guided by God's word and prepared by experience married pastors who have their fair share of practical advice and wise insight gained through years of marriage.
I have heard many wonderful stories of how practical and helpful these pre-marital counseling is, thus I would strongly advise you to seek for one through your local church. This will surely draw your fiancee closer to the Lord as she learns about the Lord's way of marriage and hopefully come to trust the Lord for a happy marriage.
There are real cases where the unbeliever partner come to accept the Lord after knowing the love and goodness of the Lord through these pre-marital counseling. With the help of such counseling, I believe your relationship together and her faith in church will be both strengthen at the same time.
Do seek your local church for help. If you are one of us (KL Bread of Life, Kota Damansara), do speak to the leader you are most comfortable with and we will help you through. Don't evangelise alone or go through life without the church, let us, your family in Christ help and be part of it :) May the Name of the Lord be bless.